There are so many horrifying things going on in the world on a daily basis. From shootings to hate crimes, sex slavery to kidnappings. Nothing is safe or sacred anymore. But I have come up with the definitive answer on how to fix it all and make the world a better place!
Put a mommy in charge.
Here are my top reasons why this will fix all of our problems.
1) Moms Are Patient (or try to be)
Okay, I don’t know about you, but my mom was always the patient one. When my dad would (quickly) lose his temper, my mom was always level headed. She could put up with hours of meaningless questions from my younger brother and never once snap. I’m sure she wanted to, but she didn’t. As the ruler of the world, a mom would be able to put up with all the whining from all the countries, deal with the countries that are misbehaving, and still seem (eerily) calm.
2) Moms Force us to Play Nice
Dad may let you get away with playing rough with your younger sibling, hell, he might even egg you on. Mom, on the other hand, is the ultimate proponent of saying please and thank you, the golden rule, and sharing. In a world where people take what they want instead of asking, and can be all around douchebags, we could use a little more kindness.
3) Moms (attempt) to be Fair & not Play Favorites
Sure, sure, dads try not to play favorites either, but moms realize the emotional burden their children might carry if they feel as though their parents favor another child. This world is in no way, shape, or form a fair place. Bad things happen to good people, wonderful things happen to terrible people. Maybe a mom can’t change that, but she would do her damnedest to try.
4) Moms have Dealt with no Sleep, the After Effects of Childbirth, and Still Manage to Hold Shit Down.
Mom’s the one who gets up at 2 AM to feed the baby, and still accomplishes just as much, if not more, than dad the next day. Mom is the one who deals with her child’s meltdown in the middle of Target. Mom is the one who, even though her brain is mush from sleep deprivation, manages to keep her shit together. Running the world ain’t an easy task, and it certainly isn’t for the faint of heart. Any woman who has pushed an enormous head out of a tiny hole, had her uterus cut open and organs moved around, or raised a child, is definitely not scared of anything.
5) Moms Always Have the Best Advice
Dads have practical advice. “Always keep jumper cables in your car.”, “Your Swiss Army knife will save your life one day.” (still waiting on that one). But mom is the one you turn to when your best friend is acting like a total bitch and you don’t know why. Or when your boyfriend breaks your heart. I think the world is in desperate need of more emotional advice now than ever before.
6) Mom Makes Sure the Punishment Matches the Crime
This relates back to being fair. Anyone remember Brock Turner, the rapist who was sentenced a mere 6 months in jail? (And only served three months before being released thanks to “good behavior”) Meanwhile, people like Patrick Matthews are sentenced to life without the possibility parole for stealing and pawning some tools. I think the world would be a much better place if we all knew what to expect when we misbehaved, and could believe in a fair justice system.
7) Moms Put Everyone Else’s Needs Before Their Own
The world is needy. Being the ruler of the world, you’d have to help countries out all day, every day. You probably wouldn’t have time to sleep, eat, or bathe. It’s basically like having 196 (or 195 if you don’t count Taiwan) newborns on your hands. Only a mom can handle that brand of hell.
8) Moms can Rule with an Iron Fist if they Need to & Won’t Take One Ounce of Your Shit
Just because Mom makes us play fair doesn’t mean she can’t be a total hard ass. And no one can tell me that isn’t exactly what the world needs right now. Someone to tell them to quit their bitching and go fix it instead of airing their grievances on social media.
9) Moms are the Ultimate Multitaskers
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed my mom make dinner, check the voicemail (remember the days of house phones and answering machines?), make sure the kids were ready for any activities that night, and entertain my younger siblings. All at once. Moms can juggle an enormous workload. They’re practically magic. And the world could use a little magic, don’t you think?
10) Moms can be Straight up Scary
Have you ever been to the grocery store and witnessed a child about to lose control? Then Mom gives them this Look. A Look that says, “You mind your manners right this instant, [First Middle & Last Name Here].” Or, hell, maybe you were that child. I feel like dads don’t really have that same power. Even though my dad doled out the scarier of the punishments, it was mom I was truly terrified of. To be on the receiving end of such a stare is just not something to take lightly. So when one country starts to pick on another, you better believe a mom would put an end to that real quick. And probably with a Look, via video chat.
11) Mom’s Love is Unconditional
Perhaps the most important point of all. I mean, how many songs are there about people (or the world, even) just needing love? Love is all you need, right? No matter how big of a brat you are, no matter what grade you got on your science project, no matter who “started it”, mom will still love you. And I think we can all agree, the world would be a happier place if everyone just knew they were loved.
Can you think of other reasons a mom should rule the world? Let me know, maybe we can make a Part Two!