As women, we are more likely to suffer from mental illness than men. Women are twice as likely to suffer from depression. 10% of women (as opposed to only 4% of men) suffer from posttraumatic stress disorder. (SOURCE)
According to the World Health Organization:
Gender differences occur particularly in the rates of common mental disorders – depression, anxiety and somatic complaints. These disorders, in which women predominate, affect approximately 1 in 3 people in the community and constitute a serious public health problem… The disability associated with mental illness falls most heavily on those who experience three or more comorbid disorders. Again, women predominate… Gender specific risk factors for common mental disorders that disproportionately affect women include gender based violence, socioeconomic disadvantage, low income and income inequality, low or subordinate social status and rank and unremitting responsibility for the care of others. (SOURCE)
More than half of all women between the ages of 15-44 have given birth. (SOURCE) So it isn’t a stretch to say that moms struggle with mental illness.
The thing is, no one really talks about it. In facts, according to WHO, “Patients, too, appear reluctant to seek professional help. Only 2 in every 5 people experiencing a mood, anxiety or substance use disorder seek assistance in the year of the onset of the disorder.” (SOURCE) This is proof that there is still a lot of fear surrounding mental illness.
This is not okay. Ladies, mental illness is a serious epidemic (for everyone: women, men, parents, non-parents), and we pretend it isn’t happening. For those of us suffering, we hide our scars (emotional or physical) and show the world our masks of perfection. We post on social media how great our dinner turned out and how our kid won the spelling bee and how our husband got that promotion.
We don’t post about how we spent a half hour crying in the bathroom, pleading with God to let our baby please sleep longer than two hours tonight. We don’t post about how we thought about self-harming today. We don’t tell the world we had a panic attack today and weren’t sure we’d ever make it out. Instead, we show them our white-picket-fence-life and pretend there are no other layers to that.
Well, it all ends here. I’m going to get real with you today. And in doing so, I hope to open up the discussion on mental illness.
- I suffer from depression, anxiety, panic disorder, and rapid cycling bipolar disorder; I am in recovery from anorexia nervosa and drug addiction
- I’ve been to inpatient treatment centers for my disorders, as well as outpatient, and therapy.
- I carry the scars of years-worth of self-harm
- I am currently being medicated for these mental illnesses
- And none of this makes me a bad mom.
There. I’ve said it. It’s out there, on the internet, for the world to see. I am anything but perfect. I am flawed. I have struggled since adolescence with my mental health. I continue to have poor body image and self-esteem. Although my medication helps drastically, I still struggle with all of my illnesses. I still have days where I don’t want to leave my bed. I still have days where my heart races and a panic attack hits me. I still have days where thoughts of self-harm flit across my mind. I have days where I don’t want to eat, or I fantasize about drug use.
But that’s okay.
None of this makes me a bad mom. It makes me a human, a human that suffers. A human with some chemical imbalances. A human with many flaws and faults. But a human, nonetheless.
Based on the statistics I provided earlier, I can only imagine how many mothers are out there, suffering in silence. Suffering because they fear the judgment others will inevitably dole out on them for struggling. Suffering because they simply don’t know where to go or who to turn to. Suffering because they’ve always wanted a family, so why are they so depressed? Suffering because everyone has bad days, so why do their bad days make them want to self-destruct?
It’s time to stop. Right now. It’s time to open up about your pain. Let’s end the silence and begin the healing. And if this article spoke to you at all, would you do me a favor and share it? Let’s spread some awareness and acceptance around the internet. I’m so glad you made it here, and I hope you’ll come back.
As someone who also has dealt with depression and mental illness, I applaud you for speaking out and sharing this. It is most definitely something that needs to be talked about more.
Thanks Shannon. I agree that it really needs to be talked about more. I’m so sorry you’ve had to struggle ?
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. Mental illness really is something that isn’t talked about, which makes it worse for the people suffering with it. We need to be open and understanding to help each other. I never even knew that postpartum anxiety was a thing until I had my baby. I already had anxiety before having her, but it amplified after giving birth. The only person that even knows about it is my husband. This is literally the first time I’ve told anybody else. I really appreciate this awesome post.
Oh Nicolle, I’m so sorry to hear about your anxiety and PPA, it is seriously so hard. My anxiety got worse as well after giving birth. I had to be off my anxiety meds during pregnancy and after giving birth i stayed off them to breastfeed. During my pregnancy, it wasn’t too bad, but after I gave birth, it was horrible. I remember i saw my doctor a week PP and just cried as soon as he asked how I was! It’s so hard to struggle and then feel guilty about struggling. ?
I’m so glad that you’ve decided to share this! It’s too easy to hide what is really going on behind a fake smile! I believe it is so much easier to connect, and feel connected when we decide to put down our shields and show others a bit of our truth.
Thanks Maren, it definitely isn’t easy to let down our guards, especially online where the world can see. But I also think it’s important to be real about an issue that obviously plagues a lot of women, even though many aren’t comfortable admitting it. I definitely feel better now that I’ve been able to be more real!!
Thank you for speaking out and sharing.
So true, as a therapist and as a women who take a blue pill every day to help me be better at life. Admitting we need help is so hard and asking for help is even harder.
Thanks Andrea! I agree that getting help is extremely difficult. But once you get the help you need, it’s such a weight off your shoulders. There’s nothing for us to be ashamed of, and we all deserve to live our best lives! ?
Hi Brooks! I wanted to let you know that I have nominated you for the Blogger Recognition Award here http://humbledmom.com/blogger-recognition-award/ Have a blessed day!
I am really glad you wrote this article. I think it is important for people to also be aware that these feelings happen and that they are not alone. It’s scary when you have feelings that you don’t know what to do with, and makes you feel alone. If you can be more aware of the feelings that might come with being a parent/having a baby you might be better equipped to handle them and know when to reach out for help.
Lianne I definitely agree. Becoming a parent really knocked me on my ass. I thought I knew so much, but as soon as my son was born, literally everything changed. It’s so hard to be prepared for the emotional rollercoaster that is parenthood.
One of the things that I experienced in my own journey was that I had lots of doctors NOT listening to me or just brushing aside the things I was telling them. I got pregnant with my 2nd daughter as soon as my 1st daughter finished her chemo treatments for liver cancer. It was a lot happening all at once and I could barely function. I was spending hours on Google every day looking up various cancers and convincing myself that I was dying. I repeatedly went to urgent care and specialist doctors and everyone kept telling me I was fine. I cried and had a panic attack at my primary care doctors office and she told me I had nothing to worry over because I was fine and my baby was fine and my daughter was fine. I cried at every one of my OB appointments and they kept telling me I was fine……
I finally found a fantastic psychologist who diagnosed me with PTSD, OCD, GAD and Depression. How could so many doctors miss that?? Not only is it just society that ignores these things but so do the people that we think we are supposed to go to to help us.
Oh Zhade, thank you so much for this comment! It’s sad but true that so many doctors aren’t well versed in how to handle mental illness. I honestly think at that 6 week check up that all women go to, it should be a check up with your doctor AND with a psychologist. I think it would benefit so many women. Even those not suffering with mental illness often need someone to vent to without feeling guilty about it. I’m sorry you’ve had to struggle, it breaks my heart. But I hope your daughter is doing well after battling cancer. That’s so incredibly scary. I can’t even imagine. My heart truly goes out to you. ? You are one STRONG momma.
Really good topic!!
You’re right, it’s not talked about. People like to avoid the topic of mental illness, in general, but together with arenting? Forgeddaboudit. I think a lot of that is because we want to do our best as parents and talking about the issues we’re juggling doesn’t necessarily reinforce that. But no one is perfect and you can’t even expect perfection from yourself, mom or not.
My mental illness affects me, but I worry most about how it affects my child, because it does.
When I get anxious and quiet, he will ask if I’m mad at him. When I dissociate he has to call my name a few times to bring me to the present and get my attention. Eye contact is huge for kids and cause of my mental stuff I’m awful at it and have to consistently make an effort to be better with him. Things like that. Sometimes it breaks my heart.
I try to watch as carefully as I can for things like this so that I can adjust and work to be a better mother and support for my kid. I couldn’t bear it if I made any kind of negative impact in his life.
It’s rough; parenting is rough, in general, but I love our relationship and life that we built together and am excited to see what’s to come. And I’ll work hard to make sure it’s the best it can be.
I’m gonna bookmark your blog, now. I always did enjoy your writing ❤
??? you’re amazing! Thanks for such a heartfelt comment! I agree with everything you’ve said. But I also think there must be a way to make our weaknesses (mental illness) into a positive in our kids’ lives. There’s got to be a “teaching moment” in there, ya know?
But I do worry about the same things. Am I going to damage my son? Will he think he’s not enough? And, what mental illnesses might he inherit? Obviously not every kid born to a mentally ill momma will have mental illness. But it does increase the risk. (plus anxiety runs DEEP in both my family and my hubby’s family)
And then it doesn’t help that no one is talking about it. As you said: mental illness in general is stigmatized, but mental illness in a parent? Even more so.
Thanks for reading Steph!! ?
It’s so important that we talk about this and let other Moms know they are not alone! Unfortunately in “real” life it’s still something that so few people feel comfortable talking about. Sadly I think there is still a real fear of being judged a bad mom due to having a mental illness. Hopefully if we all keep shedding light on the topic, we can change this!
Caitlin recently posted…Does Marriage Really Take “Work”?
I agree, Caitlin. It’s scary to admit you’ve got a mental illness. People assume once you’re a parent, that sort of thing kind of takes a backseat. Life becomes about your child, not you. But obviously mental illness doesn’t magically disappear. I think it’s so sad that we have to be afraid of being judged “bad moms” simply because of chemical imbalances!
What about sons with mental illness?
Anyone can be affected by mental illness, unfortunately. Mental illnesses don’t discriminate.
Brooks, this post is amazing. You’re amazing. Thank you for sharing your story. To see what a tenacious and compassionate person you are in spite of adversity speaks deeply to your character and passion.
Lindsey Rains recently posted…When Depression Takes Away Your Desire to Horseback Ride
? thank you! I loved your post about depression, you’re amazing, too!
Thank you for sharing your story! We need more people like you! I am the same way. I think it is so important to be open and share it so it no longer is taboo.
I myself deal with mental illness, and a suicide attempt survivor, and have overdosed on medication. I am also a parent and a life coach for women. I think there are so many people who are hiding behind masks, and I think the more we join together, the more we can help and support one another.
Thank you for the work you do!
Thank YOU for reading and commenting. I’ll definitely be checking out your blog. As much as I wish you didn’t suffer with mental illness, it’s always nice finding others like us.
I agree a lot of people appear to lead “perfect” lives and hide a lot of pain behind their smiles & upbeat social media statuses. It’s so important to be real and authentic.
Thanks so much for reading! ??