There are a lot of very obvious ways becoming a mom changes you. You know you can expect little sleep, fewer showers, and no privacy. You know that you’ll love them in a way no one can quite explain to you. You (mostly) understand childbirth. But there is SO MUCH I didn’t know. This is how motherhood changed me.
I Didn’t Know…
I didn’t know just how much I’d discuss poop. With my husband. With our doctor. With my mom. With literally anyone who would listen to me.
I didn’t know I’d become accustomed to greasy hair and stubble. Showers are even harder to come by than I ever could have imagined.
I didn’t know my go-to look would become sweats and a sloppy ponytail.
I didn’t know breastfeeding would leave me ravenous. I seriously ate every two or three hours. Or more!
I didn’t know that my anxiety could get so much worse.
I didn’t know my phone would be perpetually covered in unidentifiable stickiness.
I didn’t know a baby would test my patience.
I never knew what true sleep deprivation was, and what havoc it could wreak on my mental health.
I didn’t know I would break pretty much every rule I made for myself. (No cosleeping, no screen time, only homemade food)
I didn’t know how much babies cried!
I didn’t know I’d signed up for so much physical abuse! Hair-pulling, fingers shoved in my mouth, getting kicked, having fingers hit me in the eye, etc.
I didn’t know my previously easy marriage would become much more work.
I didn’t know how bad it hurt to step on a toy. (Now I know why my mom was always telling me to pick up my toys)
I didn’t know I’d spend hours trying to get my son to eat.
I didn’t know I’d completely lose myself.
I also didn’t know…
I didn’t know I could love someone so much.
I didn’t know what it meant to have your heart beat outside your body. To feel every ache and pain, as well as every new discovery and accomplishment.
I didn’t know I’d be fascinated and delighted by his development.
I didn’t know what unconditional love was.
I didn’t know I’d be perfectly happy putting his needs above my own.
I didn’t know I’d love building block towers.
I didn’t know I’d relish each milestone he meets.
I didn’t know motherhood could be so hard, but I also didn’t know it could be so rewarding.
I didn’t know that despite losing myself, I’d find a new version of myself.
Motherhood Changed Me
Motherhood changed me in so many ways. Some of those ways were great and magical and everything I’d ever hoped for. Some of them… weren’t. Some of them were miserable and lonely and straight up gross. Motherhood is a rollercoaster. It’s thrilling, exhausting, and sometimes nauseating.
For me, motherhood has yet to be glamorous or perfect. It’s hard. It’s so much harder than anyone ever told me. My anxiety is through the roof, my hygiene is definitely suffering, and my marriage has completely changed.
But you know what?
I love it. I never thought that being exhausted and stinky and cranky could be so much fun. Watching my son grow up truly is magical. So, yes, motherhood has kicked my ass and changed me in many unexpected ways. But it’s been totally worth it.
How has motherhood changed you?