Let me preface this first:
This is not meant to shame anyone. No matter what type of birth you had. No matter what you call your birth. This is an opinion piece. Something that personally irks me, but may not affect others. This blog is certainly meant to be all-inclusive. I am in no way bashing those that had an unmedicated birth or choose to call their births natural.
Okay, on to the post.
When you’re pregnant, it’s normal to do a lot of research. So many websites encourage you to make a birthing plan and detail all the types of birth you can choose from. In this day and age, there truly are so many options.
There are two main categories, in my mind: Cesarean section or vaginal. But within both of those categories lie even more subcategories.
With a c-section, you can have a planned c-section, an emergency c-section, or a medically necessary c-section. (Side Note: I had a c-section. It was medically necessary and I don’t regret it one bit.)
With a vaginal birth, you’ve got medicated or unmedicated. Inside each of those are even more options. You have numerous medication choices. If you’re going the non-medicated route, you’ve got hypnobirthing, a water birth, etc.
Now, unmedicated ladies, listen up. Please stop calling your birth “natural”. Here’s why.
Related: 5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mom
You’re implying a medicated birth is not natural.
That’s just not true. Things get a bit hazy with c-sections, but at the very least, all vaginal births are natural. There is nothing unnatural about getting pain relief. I would even venture to say that wanting to avoid pain is natural. So hey, maybe a medicated vaginal birth is even more natural!
Many women are disappointed they couldn’t go unmedicated.
Just what we don’t need as moms is more guilt and shame. No matter how you gave birth, you created a life! That is so incredibly beautiful. That is something to be proud of, no matter how your baby came into the world. If you had a c-section (like me!) that doesn’t mean your body is broken or doesn’t work “the way it should”. And if you used medication, that doesn’t mean you’re weak, or “less than” those that chose not to.
Related: Is Mommy Okay? A Look at Mental Illness and Motherhood
It never hurts to be sensitive to others
You can never know someone else’s story. Maybe the woman you’re talking to absolutely does not care that you use the term “natural”, but then again, maybe she does. And while I’m certainly not saying we need to walk on eggshells around others, it can’t hurt to be a bit careful. Birth is so incredibly personal and as such, things people say can be that much more hurtful.
We all know what you mean
I know most of you are not trying to brag when you say your birth was “natural”, but I have met one or two women who seemed to be boasting. That’s fine that you’re proud of yourself. Hell, I’m proud of you, too! That shit hurts! I was ready to tap out as soon as my contractions got intense. You’re a badass. But, then again, so am I. So is your friend who got an epidural. So is the lady that got an emergency c-section. All moms are bad asses! Let’s embrace that!
The Takeaway
I’ve got mad respect for unmedicated births. The lady in the room next to me SCREAMED her head off the entire delivery and my nurse informed me she was going without medication. I can only imagine the pain.
But I’ve also got respect for those who had C-sections. They’re scary. That cold operating room, the people crowded around you, feeling them tug your skin apart… It’s horrifying.
And I’ve got respect for those who had medicated vaginal births. You’re not weak because you didn’t want to feel that pain. Hell, I personally think you’re smart. Why suffer when you have a choice?!
I am definitely not saying I don’t want to hear about your unmedicated birth. Please, tell me! I love a good birth story! But using the word “natural” makes me feel like my c-section was unnatural and thus, bad.
Tell Me…
Do you mind when people call their births natural? Did you have an unmedicated birth? And if so, do you agree or disagree? We are all entitled to our own opinions.
I love this! I do think anyone who survives an unmedicated birth deserves a cookie or something. I had an epidural around the time I decided I’d rather just stay pregnant forever than continue the birthing process for one more second.
I’ve been thinking about writing a post on common marriage and parenting phrases that irk me. I think “starting a family” is number one for me because it implies that single people, married couples with no kids and people struggling with infertility are less part of a family than their counterparts who have kids.
HAHA, I had an epidural too, I don’t think I was even remotely prepared for the pain I was experiencing!
That sounds like an awesome post! Yes! “Starting a family”, or how about “we’re pregnant”?! Sorry, but the guy is definitely NOT pregnant ? that one has always annoyed me. I’d love to read that post when you publish it!
Thanks for reading Megan!
Great post! I had an unmedicated vaginal birth (by choice), and I always call it such. I hate the phrase “natural” birth because I don’t like that it implies other types of birth are somehow “unnatural”! I also hate the phrase “deliver/delivery” when it’s associated with a baby. Every mama had a birth, not a delivery. Makes me cringe.
That’s a GREAT point about “delivery”, Danyelle! I’d honestly never thought of that, but that makes so much sense! The doctor might deliver the baby, but the mom definitely gives birth!!!
Thanks so much for this I completely agree with you! I wish we as women could all just be a bit more supportive of each other and our respective decisions and stop judging each other. Saddly it continues even after the birth of our babies – it changes to judgement over breast vs bottle feeding, co-sleeping vs sleep training, stay-at-home vs working moms ….. We are all diffent and all have unique circumstances and strengths and weeknesses.
As for parenting phrases that irk me … you can add “only child” to that list … don’t even get me started on that one ?
Sacha, the only child one is a good one! And i completely agree. We need to be more understanding. We’re all walking a different path and doing the best we can. We need to take a moment to think before we just cast judgement. We’re all mommies, we’re in this together!
This is so true! It doesn’t matter how it happens-you gave birth and that’s a miracle in itself! Awesome article ?
Thanks so much Carol! Exactly, we’re all moms here, no one way is the “right” way!
I love this! I hate when I get mommy shamed because I didn’t go “natural”. I love your take that any way is natural. We created life, so let’s celebrate that!
Definitely Maia! We all created a life and brought our babies into the world one way or another. We’re all trying to do our very best. No need to spread shame on our birth choices. Thanks girl! ♥️
I’ve had 3 ummedicated births and I have referred to them as natural but mostly because I don’t want a lecture on how safe pain relief is. If I say unmediated, I am immediately met with lots of advice on what I should have done. If I say natural, most people assume vaginal and just leave it at that. Although I am proud that I made it through without medication, for me it was more because I have a phobia of needles. Unmedicated labor seemed less daunting than an IV, blood draws, and epidural. Fortunately I had super short, fairly easy labor and I know that I am lucky, not smug. I have nothing but sympathy for all mommas. Labor sucks no matter how you do it. ?
Us moms get lectures from ALL sides, huh? ? Those that get medications are told “your body was made for birth, you don’t need meds, those meds get in baby’s bloodstream!” And those that go without are told “don’t you know medications are so safe these days?! Why would you put yourself through that!?”. I was in labor for 17 hours and I got my epidural after about 4 hours ? ugh. I don’t think anything can prepare you for the pain of contractions!! Congratulations on three short labors!!! And three sweet babies ? thanks so much Lisa!
This strikes a chord with me. I have had two babies- the first was a 28 hour labor with an epidural at hour 26. I thought I “failed” and I so wish I could go back and tell myself how untrue it is. My second baby, I had a placental abruption and was knocked out for an emergency C section only to wake up in the ICU not knowing if I had delivered a baby or not. When women complain about how it went or describe how amazing their birth was it’s just hard not to personalize and compare that my experiences didn’t “fulfill” me. Quite honestly I almost died in my second baby’s birth. I think we all need to be thankful for our beautiful babies. And even our pregnancies. Now I just miscarried a baby and I’m now wishing I could go back again and not regret my second baby’s birth— at least I got to to full term.
Thanks for allowing me to share my stories. I hope women can all be thankful for any situation they’re given.
Thank you so much for sharing, Cara. I am SO sorry you felt you failed. There is absolutely no failing at childbirth. Honestly I’m amazed you went that long! My labor was 17 hours and I only went about 4 without an epidural. Both of your births were amazing because they resulted in a brand new human being entering the world. That is beautiful, no matter how it happened. You’re right though, it’s so easy to compare your births to others. When you hear how magical their birth was, and you feel as though yours wasn’t.
I’m so incredibly sorry to hear about your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through. ♥️ Be gentle with yourself.